Do the Hokey Pokey.

To write this is almost like admitting defeat. I feel desperate and outraged and plain... confused!
I'm not good with...stuff.
As in i'm not good when it come to...stuff. Ya know i was never good when i had to talk about... about...
sigh... uh... ya know... stuff!
Dammit. e...eee...eeemmm....emooo...emmmoootttiii...emmmooootttiiiooons...There!
Eee... emotions. I'm not good with them, their like a hot potato. Pick 'em up... ooh ooh thats hot! i drop 'em... PAAACH! it falls.
My friends. The near and dear ones, they know this. They know that on the outside is this beautiful mask i wear, so intricate and decorated so well, just breathtaking. But this isn't a mask for show, it's a protective one. My friends, they know i don't trust easily. I believe that... and i stick by it all the way... that to really have friends or a loved one, you have to go through.... S**t. Pardon my french.
Every friend i have grown to love are one that i have seen every side of. The really bad, the stuff that breaks a friendship, i've been through it all. We have fought, cursed hurt cut slashed at each other with unkind words and gestures and rumours and everything possible. Verbal and non- verbal.
All is fair in love and war, right?
Through it all: the dust, the blood, the wounds, the cries for help and the shattered bits of what is left, we have picked ourselves up. We have helped eachother and realised that we could either be enemies or friends for life. The latter was what suited us fine.
They have seen me at my worst and have been there for me. My mask has shattered only once with them. But around them i never wear it anyway.
Put your right hand in...
They know that on the outside, i'm self sufficient and hard and mean and snooty.
I'm sarcastic and funny and hate people who act stupid. I don't tolerate idiots of any kind.
You pull your right hand out...
They also know that i care too much thats why i'm mean.
I hurt and break like glass and need time to recover. I am solitary in being so i come off as a loner.
I dislike being alone. I glow when there are people i love around me. I love laughing and never judge a person
unless i have to.
You put your right hand in...
We act giggly and girly and talk about nonsense that generally i never like talking about.
We go shopping and 'ooh' and 'aah' at all the fancies and frilly. hee hee. Uh... yes this is me.
I hate shopping, but i love looking. We walk till we're tired and settle and gossip some more.
And shake it all about...
They never take me personally and know exactly when i'm down and out.
They sense that i'm restless and need to talk need to vent..NEED TO JUST SHOUT!
I believe that one can only achieve this type of friendship when nothing you say is taken personally.
My friends and i are immune to eachothers barbs and snide comments, we know it's aimed for something else.
Do the Hokey Pokey...
It's strange that i'm back here.
That my mask is placed in a closet away. I don't need it... or do i?
Will you make me wear the mask around you?
Turn yourself about...
Do u realise your pushing me away, it's my fault. My mask is placed on my face. Tight.
You scare me, your all and nothing to me. I smile and think of eveything that has happened.
Then i frown and think of how your letting me slip. Fight For Me!
Please.
Every small gesture is taken as a measure of meaning. Every bit of indifference is a sign that you're forgetting.
I'm spinning in this web of analysis! Remove me. Tell me that it's just a phase.
Be my friend, We have been through alot. Not enough i suppose but enough to believe that we have a chance. Don't be indifferent.
Be You.
That's what it's all about...
Right?