Oh my...IT's almost here

IT... it is my third year of college. 

it is the fear of the looming date of my arrival back into 'the institute'. 

it is the heart clenching realisation that another odd year is coming.

it is the pure aggitation of facing everyone again. NO!

My next year in college looms ahead of me. It's not close but it's not far either. 

A month exactly. 

The day I have been dreading since I left college. The return to said college.

I love it there. Really I do. 

I don't fear the college or the people(a little) or the course. Why should I?

No, no... I fear the year. It's an odd year and I fear my first odd year.

The first year is suppose to be new, nouveau, novel uh... SHINY (taking a leaf outta jemma's book of vocabulary) 

But it wasn't. It was good... bad..worse... and OH MY GOD! 

I couldn't have had a worse one. 

Then came summer. 

Isolation. 

Self introspection (is there any other kind?)

Denial.

Instincts.

Faith in Fate.

The second year came. I was cautious, careful but to be honest i was myself.

I wasn't posing for anyone and if they didn't like it too bad. 

I am not ashamed to be happy. And am not ashamed to be nice to everyone i know.

I am not nice to everyone and people who know me can see this. 

IT was a year to remember, alot of it spent in an alcoholic haze. But a good one (is there any other kind?) . 

I have had a year to learn about myself and about others. To accept people and just be there for them instead of trying to find a solution to it. To listen when they need me and talk when they need to distract themselves.

I have seen myself improve as a person. Now I just have to improve as a designer.

Ahem...

So now coming to the third year, I am a believer in Karma and know that my first year was the learning process.

My second year was research and analysis. 

Now what...? 

Conceptualistaion???

My third year... I can't imagine it being a good one. I have a fear of it being horrible.

My worst, cos thats how it goes... bad, good, bad... Not bad, good, good...er? 

I ramble when i'm scared. 

Where is this going? 

And am I gonna make it?