Meaning to.

I've been meaning to write this for awhile now. I've logged into blogspot so many times today that you would think i was jobless or something...hehe...hmmm

I could use another cigarette.
But don't worry daddy, I'm not addicted yet.
One too many drinks tonight and I miss you,
Like you were mine

I'm just scared to write this. But I want to as well.
Things kinda creep up on you and then it piles up till you feel claustrophobic. I didn't know how to write this and whether i could or not.
Phew...
It's been a long time since i said good bye. This time for good, I didn't want anything to do with it. It had become so complicated and complication hurts. 4 times a charm i guess,
It still hurt.

It never took much to keep me satisfied
But all this bullshit you feed me you miss me you need me
This hungry heart will not subside

That weird day which began with such promise and then KABOOM... a canon ball of mad emotion shoots through the air taking me by surprise and knocking me off my step. Not again... The voices around me became dim, the expressions blurred as it always happens like this.

Well I may seem naive if I cry as you leave like I'm just one more tortured heart
But baby don't be fooled.
Cause these cracks that I show as I'm watching you go aren't tearing me apart

There is a happy ending, when it comes i'll write about it.
That night I ended it. No more of this.
That night I called a friend and for two hours we talked and i smiled eventually... Even came out of the whole thing with a new comic.
It still hurt.
Next came juries. The long nights, the faaso dinners, the late night drag and toon boom. It all came tumbling down with the god for sake software.
the confusion begins once more.
And then the friendship. I didn't want to lose that, but it had to go. I took a deep breathe and shook my head. That wasn't fair, was it, just having to let it go. See it walk away and lie to you and all you can do is smile and agree
the confusion begins once more.

He's taken and leaving but I keep believing
He's gonna come round soon
Till I see him again I'm staying believing
That it won't be deceiving when he's gonna come round soon.

I got it back though. It felt good because I have lost friendships before and had to get used to it. This time I
didn't need to. It kinda came back.
It's just one big circle.
Now again i find myself stuck in a rut. If it is one big circle, how long do I have to keep traveling till i reach the beginning again...?

The angels said I'd smile today. Aw well who needs angels anyway?