Addiction

it's a powerful word. Addiction.
Saying it out loud is like saying a bad word. it slides on your tongue and then it hits a high point, making the word ring in your ears.

my feelings towards this word, addiction, has many associations and memories. i think of it and all i picture is a dark room with this little ray of light from a crack in the wall, not a bright one that shines hope but one that teases you mercilessly.
you pick yourself up and say i don't need that light i will find my own, i don't need it i'll make one that will last me and keep me safe. you reach that point where you make a spark, a stepping stone towards making your own light.

it has stretched you and made you weep, all you can think about is the way you refuse to think of that dim light, teasing you asking you to take a look. you pick yourself up off the floor in that dark room with that spark that you've managed and you move away.

it's in the corner of your eye and it knows your looking, eventhough at the same time you are toiling at the spark inside you and sweating instead of weeping and thinking of the present instead of letting nostalgia engulf you.

Addiction.

Your light is finally alive, your smiling and almost happy. your light isn't bright but it isn't dull either. it is your light and you control it.

it's still a dark room but with two dim lights. you look across the room and that light seems harmless now. why did it effect you?

All you know is that you have your own light now and nothing can hurt you. you move towards the crack in the wall. that ray seeping through.

i have a light too!

u feel satisfied enough to go closer, your okay after all.
the light hasn't changed, it is still dim.

you like it better than yours. you let your fingers slide around it, through it.
the dull orange over your skin is familiar and comforting.

all of a sudden your spiralling into a black hole leading nowhere.
your light is gone and you trusted the crack in the wall.
your lying in a pheotal position sweating and weeping with the ray of light slashing you across the face. your eyes are dilated and you can't scream.


Addiction.